Thursday, July 20, 2017

"I think gentleness is one of the most disarmingly and captivatingly attractive qualities there are."

-Nayyirah Waheed

Monday, July 17, 2017


I love when people are gentle in their spontaneity.
I love feeling the slight pressure of a hand on the small of my back
I love when people do not offer confusion
I love when people tell me they saw something that reminded them of me
I love telling someone I was just thinking of them
I love plans being made in advance
I love when people call me to say hello
I love saying I miss you
I love feeling warm, safe, enveloped, close, dripping honey, sweet, calm and kind.

2/15/15

She did the needle test on me and I felt my palms starting to sweat. What would it say? The needle steadied over my left wrist. I felt it ever so slightly. I waited. It swung left to right and then in a circle. She puts the needle and thread back onto the table. 'A boy first, then a girl. Only two.' She says. Subconsciously, I rub my wrist. She tells me the test is true. I do the test to my best friend three times. Each time produces the same results. She's slightly disappointed but I don't want her to be. I do the test to myself. It stays true. A boy, a girl, only two. I think about my future children often. I think of the three secret things I want them to know as an absolute truth, three things I hope they never forget. I want to encourage an insatiable excitement for life within them. I want them to be brave and bold enough to be who they want to be. If the world doesn't understand their magic, home always will. I often think of these things as my window is rolled down and the wind sweeps through my fingers. Cars weave in and out of the paint lines. The music is on so loud it almost drowns out my thoughts.
"I loved her. Not simply, certainly not passively, but clearly, specifically; I loved her. She was an adept and flexible provider of the real, which one eats daily or else one starves. She was kind but would not accept confusion. She was beautifully warm, but her nature balked at false responses. Her heart was coloured by a deep gentleness; She was true."

-Robert Creeley

One of my most favorite descriptions of a woman I've ever read in my life.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Me lately:

What I am READING (in rotation):

On Love - Alain de Botton

Too Much and Not the Mood - Durga Chew-Bose

Little Labors - Rivka Galchen

The definition of L'appel du vide

The love story between Inês de Castro and Peter of Portugal

A Woman Looking at Men Looking at Women - Siri Hustvedt

Sounds I am LISTENING to (on repeat): 

Broken Clocks - SZA

The steady whoosh of traffic outside my bedroom window

Silence's vibration when you are completely alone

The soft, subtle movements of my roommate around the house, muffled by my closed bedroom door

Someone outside, speaking loudly on the phone in a foreign tongue (cadence is harsh, urgent, aggressive, punctured), at 10:30 pm, every night

Clair de Lune - Debussy, playing from another room 

A Lovely Way to Spend an Evening - Curtis Fuller

What I'm EATING (out of happiness, depression, anxiety, molten rose gold feelings etc):

Corn puff cereal, dry

Peanut butter pretzels

Steel cut oats with mushy dried apricots, soy creamer, raspberries, five tablespoons of Agave

Not sweet papaya

Semi burnt Tarte d'Alsace

Ak Mak with Goat cheese (I hate Ak Mak but I keep eating it because it's edible even when v stale)

Not yet ripe apricots

Sweet baguette

Overly sautéed kale

Overly sautéed spinach

Cuban style black beans

Sour blueberries

Cotton Candy Grapes

Jalapaño chutney

Golden Oolong Tea (golden means absolutely nothing)

Vanilla Almond Clusters

Sweet Potatoes

Softly fried eggs with cumin, salt, and pepper

My own feelings

Things I am THINKING ABOUT:

Stop buying Persian cucumbers

"You look like a woman who knows what she does"

Stop buying broccolini

Southwestern Chopped Salad Kit

I need someone who will guard my sleep

Less coffee, more water

My strange emotional attachment to my water bottle

It's not because he misses you

The idea of choosing people who choose you

Why does Evian water taste so terrible?

To remember: 'Try your best not to retreat into old habits and coping mechanisms that just enable the hard times'

Solitude is good, isolation not so much

Conquering callousness / apathy / catastrophe

Tears are just salt water

The beauty and strange sadness in individual experiences

Benefit of the doubt

Wear softer things

Things I am THROWING AWAY:

Receipts

Bank statements

Random bits left from past lovers

Any and all berry hued lipsticks

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Here.


Maximus barking at everyone
Mom tugging at the leash, snapping Maximus's name
Me, walking ten steps behind, sometimes 20
Thinking how nice it would be to jump and melt into the ocean below
Maximus's paws touching the edge of the water like it is nothing.

Gentle Reminder:

You have to know the difference between being patient and wasting your time.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

“I'm not telling you to make the world better, because I don't think that progress is necessarily part of the package. I'm just telling you to live in it. Not just to endure it, not just to suffer it, not just to pass through it, but to live in it. To look at it. To try to get the picture. To live recklessly. To take chances. To make your own work and take pride in it. To seize the moment. And if you ask me why you should bother to do that, I could tell you that the grave's a fine and private place, but none I think do there embrace. Nor do they sing there, or write, or argue, or see the tidal bore on the Amazon, or touch their children. And that's what there is to do and get it while you can and good luck at it.” 

-Joan Didion

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Gentle Reminder:

Listen to understand. Don't just listen to reply.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

Happy New Year


I hope your year is filled with more love than you thought you could ever feel.