tragic day

the beautiful warren theater in moore, oklahoma. one of the most beautiful and luxe theaters i've ever seen.

as many of you have probably read already, the city of moore here in oklahoma has been completely devastated by an incredibly violent tornado.

i've been living in oklahoma for the past three years and although i cannot say that oklahoma and i are the best of friends, i appreciate all that it has to offer. it has been my home for the past three years and i think of it as a pesky sibling. sometimes oklahoma annoys the absolute crap out of me and i want to do nothing but scream and shout about how much i don't like it, but then there are moments where i feel nothing but love and appreciation for this state. that being said, when i was sitting at my desk at work today, all my workmates were blasting their radios to hear of the latest developments and each development was getting worse after each minute, i was so sad about what was happening. for now, oklahoma is still my home and no one ever wants anything horrible to happen to where they live or to the people who also call this place their home.

because of the bad thunderstorms and the tornado sirens that kept wailing, we all had to get into shelter just as a precaution and for protocol. as we all stood in the tiny room, nervously laughing and making jokes, it was difficult to realize that just several miles away there were young children, babies really, who were desperately trying to keep safe while a tornado that was a mile wide ravaged their school, which they thought was their safe haven. if you've seen the photos, they are horrifying. today is a really sad day for the state of oklahoma, especially for the city of moore. the death toll keeps rising, the number of children still missing from those two elementary schools aren't going down, and the loss that people are experiencing is beyond words.

i was going to post photos of the destruction that occurred today but i decided against it. you can browse yahoo or the post to see photos of that. instead, i decided to post a photo i took of the warren theater, one of the most beautiful movie theaters i've ever seen. for a non-oklahoma native, the warren is definitely iconic to me! although definitely less tragic, i am sad that the warren was also destroyed in today's sad events.

it's crazy how quickly life can throw us for a loop. as cliché as it sounds, life is so unpredictable and should never be taken for granted. treat the ones you love with love, be kind, and never take ones for granted. i hope as the days pass, news looks up for the city of moore and the death toll doesn't rise and the children that are still missing are found and reunited with their families. until then, i have nothing but positive thoughts and wishes for those who are suffering.

amélie

isn't amélie everyone's favorite french movie? it's so charming, whimsical, sweet and funny. and for ones that aren't familiar (or scared of) foreign films, this one is the perfect one because it's far from intimidating. i've always loved amélie. i watched it for the first time when i was probably too young and didn't really pay enough attention but i remembered i liked how the movie made me feel. it made me want to cut my hair to my chin, speak french, do weirdly kind and mysterious deeds for others, and be quirky. although, i think it's worth noting that audrey tautou was quirky in the best way before zooey deschanel came and ruined it all.

anyway, over the years amélie has become a sort of cliché but it doesn't even matter. watching it several more times when i got older, i understand why it's become such a popular film with teenage girls/teenage boys/women/men/young/old...it's because it's just really good. 'amélie, an innocent and naive girl in paris, with her own sense of justice, decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love.' i think that sums it up pretty well but throw in a lot of great cinematography, fantastic acting, and all the good feels in the world and there you have it. 

by the way, am i the only one who is still not over how perfect audrey tautou's face is? she is so beautiful.

'so, my little amélie, you don't have bones of glass. you can take life's knocks. if you let this chance pass, eventually, your heart will become as dry and brittle as my skeleton. so, go get him, for pete's sake!'

what's in your salad?

i could eat a salad everyday, forever.

we recently went and saw pain & gain which i don't really suggest seeing, but anyway, one of the character's lines is: 'you know who invented salads? poor people'. i almost guffawed outloud because i disagreed with that statement (we all know it's so much more expensive to eat healthy foods than unhealthy foods here in the US). i don't know what sort of salads they were referring to because when i make a salad or buy a salad...it can be a little pricey. but 100% of the time, it's so well worth it.

romaine
feta
almonds
bell pepper
cucumber
balsamic vinaigrette

what do you like in your salads?

sentimental

We used to be really broke. Well, we still are but even more so. We used to live in his parent’s house, in a bedroom on the left side of the house. We used to talk and laugh late into the night with hushed whispers. We didn’t do much except be happy in love and work, work and work. We couldn’t really do much besides that. Every dollar we made went to the envelope that Morgan had made me as a surprise. The ‘let’s get the hell out of here envelope’. The envelope became a promise and a sign of happy times in the future. After every paycheck, the envelope was stuffed with green. All untouchable and all a dollar closer to what we were trying to do. I loved the time spent with his funny, warm and caring family but we wanted to live in a place of our own.

The dollar theater was a tiny theater in a semi-abandoned mall. It had tiny screens, cheap interior and it always smelled like fast food, greasy stale popcorn, and the air conditioner was always on full blast. Even when the streets were lined with ice and slush, the air inside was bitingly cold. When Morgan and I had zero money to spend, we would splurge once a week on seeing a movie at the dollar theater for $2.00 per ticket. Sometimes we’d get a small popcorn or their $1.00 hotdog that somehow tasted delicious, even with it’s soggy bun.

The floors were always sticky with layered soda spills and the seats were torn and ripped on their corners. Sometimes strange characters coupled together in the corners of the small theater and slept, and other times there were people just like us in there. And sometimes before or after the movie, we would battle each other in Mortal Combat in the tiny, tiny theater ‘lobby’. Sometimes we would excitedly yell out while our fingers mashed against the greasy plastic buttons and most times I would win, or at least pretend to.

We took a lot of walks, and we sat in a parking lot at a park near his parent’s house a lot, slurping on Sonic milkshakes. These were our date nights and they were really great. After a few months, we finally did it and we had saved enough to move out of his parent’s house and into our own place. Our own place with hardwood floors and a spiral staircase.

But even now, I still keep that envelope on which Morgan scrawled, ‘Let’s get the hell out of here envelope’. It makes me smile and it makes me happy and it’s a sentimental reminder of how we both worked hard to get to where we are now, even if it isn't very much. And although we are no where close to being rich, it makes me look back on our dollar theater days and our nights of just sitting in empty parking lots, talking and listening to music because there wasn’t any extra money to spend, adoringly. The envelope held it’s promise and years later, I realize that Morgan and I are great at working towards a goal together. If we both want something that we know will better our future and our lives, we will work our asses off to reach it. It might take us awhile, but I feel so fortunate to have a partner who has always looked towards the future with me.

mini-moment: spokies

this weekend, we enjoyed the really beautiful weather by renting bikes downtown. when morgan first suggested the idea, i was pretty excited because i haven't ridden a bike in a really long time. but then i started to remember that the last time i had rode a bike was probably when i was thirteen or fourteen and i began to get really nervous. that was years and years ago. would i fall? god, i hope i don't fall and almost lose my vocal cords like i did when i was eleven in yosemite because i thought i was good enough to ride HANDLESS...in the WOODS...on top of fallen tree branches (like ethan said, yosemite never 4get). this was further sounding like a bad idea when morgan turned to me and asked very seriously, 'you remember how to ride a bike, right?'. i nodded with a lot of confidence even though it was waning by the second. once we rented the bikes, i got on and i was immediately cursing myself for agreeing to this idea. sure the weather was beautiful and it would be really awesome to bike around downtown but what the hell was i seriously thinking. as soon as my butt got on the seat, i was wobbling all over the place and couldn't even peddle a few steps without shouting 'i don't think i can do this! i really don't!' and stomping my one foot on the floor to steady me. morgan zipped around me in circles on his bike and i just sat on mine with one foot firmly planted on the cement. i felt like an idiot. i should also mention that my uncle taught me how to ride a two wheeler when i was about nine or ten (super late bloomer and yes, i do believe training wheels were still on my bike up until that age) and it took me two weeks to learn how to ride on my own. after practicing everyday for two weeks, i finally got it. between bike riding and long division, my uncle really had his work cut out for him. anyway, this should really tell you something about my bike riding skills...that and the yosemite story.

morgan coaxed me to giving this whole biking-again-after-a-decade a try at the park right across the street. this was a much better idea. riding around a beautiful park sounded much more appealing (and safer) than riding around downtown streets. as far as i was concerned, my bike riding skills were at a level -1 and to ride on the busy streets, i needed to at least be at a level +5.  eventually, i got the hang of it but of course i had to basically topple into the bushes in front of a wedding rehearsal for me to finally get the groove of it. but once i did, it was so much fun to just ride around with morgan. it was so fun to do something we normally don't ever do and enjoy the really beautiful weather the weekend gave us. we will definitely be doing this again. our next spokies adventure? cruising around the amazing historic neighborhoods. i can't wait.

i learned two things while riding a bike after years and years.

1) i ride like i drive. very, very slow. like a grandma.

2) riding without hands does not hold the same appeal as it did when i was a kid.

no way.

my mom

i wish there was something i could say to express how much i appreciate and love my mom and how i believe she is literally worth the whole entire world and more but i’m not sure i could ever do so.

my mom has dedicated her life to raise me and ethan the best that she possibly can. as a single mom, she has worked tirelessly to provide for me and ethan so we would never be without the things that she thought we deserved. as i’ve gotten older and learned a little more about how this world works, i know that being a single mom is not an easy thing to be. i know that my mom probably went through hell and back trying to raise two kids on her own but she did it and she did it with so much strength and love. i think about that sometimes, and i always shake my head in awe. she has sacrificed so much of herself so me and ethan would always have a constant source of love, support, and care in our lives.

as a teenager, i’ve always loved spending time with my mom. there was never that ‘i’m too cool to be seen with you’ phase. i never shy’d away from spending my time with her. whether it be shopping, going out to eat or watching movies and tv together, i loved and appreciated every minute of it. we always have the greatest time together. and although i have spent so much time with her, i wish i spent even more time with her when i lived at home. there isn’t enough time in this world. i miss her every single day and i appreciate her presence even more so, now that we’re apart.

i hope one day i will be able to somehow repay my mom for all the hard work and all the sacrifices she has made for us. she is literally the most selfless person i know, always putting the needs of those she loves before her own. i will never forget the way my mom so graciously took on the role as a single mom, never making us feel anything less than love. i always felt so safe with her and i always knew she cared, i never had to doubt if she gave a shit about what i was going through or what i was feeling even when she had a million real problems of her own. what they say is true, a mother’s love is the strongest force in this world. it’s palpable and so real. i’m thankful that my mom has always shown me and ethan that she loves us with her whole entire heart and life. like i said, i hope one day i can pay her back for all the things she’s done for me when i’ve done so little for her. she deserves the moon, the stars and everything beautiful in this world because she’s my mom and she’s been nothing but the greatest. i appreciate everything that she is.

i love you.

ain't no party like a gatsby party

and i like large parties. they’re so intimate. at small parties there isn’t any privacy.

who else is incredibly excited for this movie that comes out this weekend? i'm not going to lie, i was not  a huge fan of fitzgerald's novel when i read it in high school. i think it's safe to say i hated it. i even considered re-reading gatsby just for the hell of it because you know, i'm an adult now and everything but then i remembered how much i dreaded reading it in high school (i would have read faulkner's sound and the fury five times over than read gatsby) and quickly changed my mind. regardless, i am so excited for this movie because it looks over-the-top glamorous, fun, exciting but most of all so-freaking-dramatic. gotta love that drama. hopefully it's entertaining enough that i won't feel my ass go numb by the second hour! 

and let's hope to a higher power that leo wins an oscar for this movie or something. come on. a guy can't be that good looking and that good of an actor for nothing. right?!  

summer salad

the weather is venturing into summer temperatures and with that, i'm craving this salad i made religiously last summer. it helped me get through a lot of dinners on sweltering nights.

craving.

the truth

relationships are just so scary because you just have to take a chance and hope to _________ that the person you love will like you forever and that’s a lot to ask of someone. since i’m not the most secure person, i think of all the variables that can happen between now and __________ and i just hope to __________ that this will work out forever.


"You might be sitting with him at the kitchen table drinking coffee from mismatched mugs and saying nothing because sometimes saying nothing is the best thing to say. He’s miles away, and you’re thinking you should take a shower or fix your hair or at least brush your teeth because you feel dirty and self-conscious. You wish the sun weren’t so bright on your face and you wish there was something other than corn flakes for breakfast so your stomach won’t start making hideous noises. You’re about to open your mouth and say something to break the silence, but he speaks first. He tilts his head slightly and says:

“You make me really happy.”

And you will agree he does, too.

— Carrie Laski, Things To Say Besides I Love You

mini-moment: doing things alone

living back home, i had no problem doing certain things alone. in fact, there were a few things i preferred doing solo. some of the things i liked doing by myself was going to the bookstore so i could browse for hours without feeling rushed or interrupted, eating alone at my family's favorite indian cafe because i could enjoy a leisurely lunch while reading a new book or a new magazine, and shopping alone because i didn't have to worry about anyone getting too bored or too tired and i could stop whenever i felt like it. but one thing i never ventured doing by myself was going to the movie theaters and seeing a movie. i always felt too self-conscious to do that. movies are a very social activity, a place you go to with friends, family or significant others. and although eating at a restaurant is just as social, eating alone never seemed as awkward as seeing a movie alone. you could walk into a cafe or restaurant and see several other people dining alone, whereas walking into a theater...you don't see as many people sitting by themselves. PLUS, i'm a sort of paranoid and self-conscious person which probably has a lot to do with it.

i read somewhere that going to a movie alone is one of the best and most relaxing things someone can do by themselves. i was always too nervous (a.k.a too self conscious) to do it, but this weekend i finally decided to see disconnect alone. honestly, it wasn't as awkward as i was expecting it to be and it was just as relaxing as i hoped it would be. i loved it. it was nice being able to enjoy a movie i wanted to see, without worrying if my partner was enjoying it as well. all my fears of looking lonely and friendless were just so silly because no one really gives a shit  and no one is going to pay that much attention. i guess my younger self sort of thought the whole world revolved around me! just kidding.

i'm thinking that i will probably make this a regular thing when i need some 'me' time. some people say that going on trips alone is a really great feeling, but i don't believe i'm brave enough for that just yet!

are there any activities you love doing alone? have you seen a movie alone? how did you feel about it? i would love to hear!