Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Mama

Your mama is Annick Goutal perfume. She is white orchids, white hydrangeas, white tulips, red tulips on occasion. She is the color of a Robin's egg, the color of a burning sunset, the calm white crispness of freshly washed sheets. She is freckled skin, a beauty mark, kind eyes. She is contagious laughter. She is expensive red wine, crusty baguette, Fromage d'Affinois on a summery day. She is Sade, Al Green and Gipsy Kings softly playing in the background of the house. She is your gravity, the center of your earth, your quiet after your storm. She is a quiet strength; she is stronger than a hundred body builders put together. The weight of the universe and all that it contains has rested on her shoulders and yet she is still standing. She is like water, spreading herself thin to fill every crevice of the ones she loves. She is Für Elise as you sat and watched her play and wondered if she has super powers. She is the one who wanders off at the beach and excitedly comes back with abalone shells and starfish slung over a stick. She is the mother of your brother, the one you love so much, the one you stare at in awe sometimes he is the most beautiful person in your eyes. She is the one you thank for him. She is the master of adaptation. She is the one telling you, "make the best of it" and even though you groan and roll your eyes whenever those words spill out of her mouth you listen because if she has, then you must. She is the one you thought of when you lied in your bed in a distant state, a furious clawing sadness gashing it's way through your insides. She is the one you thought of when you knew it was wrong, it wasn't what you wanted, you needed home, you needed her, you needed to hear her say, 'Come home'. Come to me. She is the one you ask forgiveness from, not god. She is the one you live to live right by, not god. She is the one who taught you to be kind and honest and compassionate, not god. She is the closest thing to god you will experience in this life. She is the reason why you can't wait to have your own babies; you want to love your own children as purely and as honestly as she has loved you. She is the one who taught you to stand alone first and then stand with someone you love. She is the one who showed you it's okay to walk away, it's okay to put your pride before love sometimes, you will be more than okay if you choose to do it alone. She is the one who cries with you on the brown leather couch in her living room as you spill your secrets out to her and she carries them in her heart so you don't have to carry them alone anymore and she strokes your hair with her hands and looks into your eyes and tells you she is proud of you. She is the one who makes you feel healed and whole again. Your mama tells you are beautiful and when she tells you this you believe her because you are a reflection of her and to you, she is the most beautiful thing that exists in this world.