Thursday, February 18, 2016

10 Fantasies.

1. I live in the middle of nowhere but my house is nestled in between rolling green hills that stay lush all year round. It is always overcast and misty because I am surrounded by the ocean and this ocean is angry and hostile. My house is supposed to be white but it is now the color of wheat because it is very old. Yet, it has bright green shutters to match the green that envelopes me. I wear silk white dresses, thick sweaters and rain boots every day and I always let my hair air dry. I own five baby goats and two brown cows and spend my days luxuriating in a simplicity that has always seemed so foreign.

2. I own a flower shop in the middle of a very, very busy city. Warm light floods through the windows and Nina Simone is playing constantly. In my shop, I carry flowers that are from exotic places around the world and each one symbolizes something specific. I spend my day creating secret messages of love and messages of "Will you please forgive me?" for people using flowers.

3. We decide to fly to Paris just to eat breakfast and then fly back the next day. It's the most expensive breakfast I'll ever have in my life but the refrigerator was empty so it seemed like the most sensible thing to do.

4. I take many, many black and white photos of a lover and turn it into a flip book. The photos in motion create something similar to a short film and it's the prettiest most secret film to ever exist.

5. I greet someone by kissing both their cheeks and it goes smoothly because we both know which direction our lips are supposed to be moving.

6. I live in a teeny tiny house with a bright yellow front door, creaky old wooden floors, round door knobs and little alcoves. There is a small backyard and in the backyard there is a large tree with knobby branches that spread out every which way. The leaves are soft and smell sweet in the summer and turn a pretty shade of brown in the fall. The lights sewn between the branches look like fire-flies in the night time and I spend all my time out there drinking wine and reading or talking intimately with ones I love. If I have a lover, I kiss him under this tree for hours until our lips feel bruised and swollen.

7. In a past life, I am a constellation.

8. It's raining loudly and it's thundering so hard the house shakes. The electricity is out so I have eighty candles lit and the glow is calm and reassuring. I am lying in bed, eating oranges sprinkled with cinnamon while reading how the concept of virginity is ruining women and girlhood in America.

9. We drive to the top of a mountain and it's a very cold night. When you breathe out, you can see the shape of your breath in front of you. We have a bottle (or two) of red and three blankets each. We park at the highest point we can go and one of us swears we can see the Milky Way. We take swigs of wine straight from the bottle and argue about which is the Big Dipper and which is the Little Dipper. Where is the North Star? Is it that one? Where is the Pisces constellation? It's in between Aquarius and Aries. We are surrounded by nothing but stars and sky so we laugh as loudly as we want and it's all fine.

10. I don't have to explain myself, I don't have to say anything, I don't have to form a string of words to convey what I am feeling, I don't have to do anything or say anything or act a certain way because someone just gets it.